“I’m not for sale”,

“I’m not for sale”, I said as the car rolled up and this clean cut banana republic looking guy leaned over his girlfriend’s lap and said, “you looking for a good time?” I smirked and kept walking as I heard the sound of his tires squeal away mixed with the laughter of his girlfriend’s drunken giggles at 2:30 in the morning. I was awake, I was aware and apparently I looked like a bisexual hustler walking down the streets of Hillcrest at that not-so-timid hour of the morning.

I couldn’t sleep so I snuck out of bed and went for a walk. I felt indifferent and amused all at the same time. This is not where I wanted to be and I was starting to really think I was lost. I mean I knew what I was doing there; I was the one who moved there – packed up and relocated without a care in the world, even found an apartment before I found a job. Lonely as shit, no matter how many men I slept with, no matter how hot the sex was, or how dirty – just the way I liked it. Jeff was right, it turned into an addiction that I would soon have my fill of and grow weary. So it wasn’t as though I was proving something to myself, yeah if I really wanted it I could go out and get it – score, big deal, what does it all add up to = emptiness, distraction and resentment.

I’ve truly come to learn and firmly believe that happy, positive, fun and lively people attract the same, but you do have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince – I just don’t know that I am looking for a prince. At one time I thought I was, but now…….I want what’s best for me, I want to be a little selfish with my own life and nourish my own soul. For he who goes off blindly without grounding of reality, fills himself with excess, to the point of not knowing who he is or what he really needed to fill himself with in the first place – though if I start by nourishing myself, it most certainly does attract those with an appetite for life, love and living and that’s what I crave!

"Find a purpose in life, don't allow your preoccupation with men, nice as they may be, to be your reason for being" - Mike